|I once took a gym-selfie, during a break in doing planks, in an attempt to understand the appeal of them.|
I still don't get it.
After breaking down about feeling "fat," which was COMPLETELY crazy, I realized I needed to step back. I needed to come to peace with my body and figure out how I really wanted to live my life. I stopped looking at all those running hashtags on Instagram and I kept eating how I was eating. I stopped listening when people commented how much I was eating and relished those moments when people pointed out just how much work my body was doing and that if I was hungry it was because I really did need those calories. I had to remind myself that I was stronger, faster, and fitter than I'd ever been. I had to decide that I don't want to spend the rest of my life eating chicken, broccoli and brown rice for lunch and dinner and egg whites or low-fat anything for breakfast. I had to remind myself that I am healthy and whole and happy and that making and eating the kind of food that I do is part of what makes me happy. I had to forget all the guilt that my health-nut ex-boyfriend made me feel about eating some of my favorite things (like every white condiment) on a regular basis.
|Don't be hatin' on my buffalo-bleu cheese mac just b/c you're jealous!|
|Donuts make people happy. Happy people are more active. Active people are more healthy.|
(kinda, if you follow my logic)
I'm trying to make habits and decisions now about food and exercise that I can carry with me through the rest of my life, including if I'm blessed with a family one day. I know that I will have a lot less time, but a big part of that peace is that I'm mentally okay with working out less and that I don't feel bad about myself when I gain a pound one week because I ate 4 dozen cookies (it's happened) or 5 pounds when I went on vacation (it was New Orleans). I have to be at peace with the decisions that I make and they have to be sustainable when I have a family to feed or friends to go to dinner with. I don't really believe in "cheat" meals because I think that every meal should not just nourish your body, but your soul as well. If you're looking to talk to me about this, you'll find posted up next to the snack table at the next party, shoving my face full of buffalo chicken dip and the Doritos my host left unattended.